RADIO SHOW/AUDIO PODCAST
Solutions...with Courtney Anderson! (SwCA)
Episode 202 -
Originally aired 10/01/2014 9:00 AM -
MYTH WARRIORS! series -
“You Cannot Make Another Person Happy.”
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TALK SHOW EPISODE NOTESIn the MYTH WARRIORS™ series we are targeting ideas to begin to assess whether they are credible or not. We are warriors fighting to establish clarity between what is accurate and what is simply a myth (or falsehood) in life. We are deploying our highest level critical thinking skills in this series to fight to ensure that we are not taken advantage of or exploited by information disparities. We don both defensive protective gear and offensive weaponry. On offense we thrust forward, probing, testing and examining content to discern if it should be defeated and discarded (as a lie) or retained and utilized in our lives in our mission to surpass our goals.
This is not a series for the weak minded or fearful as we will leave no stone unturned in our quest to ensure that we are not exploited, not ignored and not used as pawns by powerful people. Our education (formal and informal) is our most powerful weapon to equalize our opportunities for success (on our own terms). Our episode today is, “You Cannot Make Another Person Happy.” In this show we discuss A Stone* of Solutions™ including: 1) “To make someone's day, all you have to do is stay physically near her while remaining in a state of contentment, humor, compassion or calm. Try getting deeply happy around any loved one, acquaintance or stranger. Refuse to let go of your good mood. You don't have to say or do anything else. Really.” http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Spreading-Happiness-How-to-Make-People-Happy 2) What makes people unhappy? 3) Is being unhappy an internal individual action or an externally imposed status? 4) What makes you happy? 5) Why are you so presumptuous to believe that you control other people’s emotions? 6) If you believe that you are able to “make someone happy” why haven’t you made everyone happy (too lazy, too time consuming)? 7) Is your desire to make another person happy kind or cruel? 8) Are you a cause of the unhappiness of another person or is that your narcissism? 9) ”As no one else can know how we perceive, we are the best experts on ourselves.” Carl Rogers believed that for a person to achieve self-actualization they must be in a state of congruence. This means that self-actualization occurs when a person’s “ideal self” (i.e. who they would like to be) is congruent with their actual behavior (self-image). - McLeod, S. A. (2007). Carl Rogers. Retrieved from http://www.simplypsychology.org/carl-rogers.html 10) "This gap between the real self and the ideal self, the "I am" and the "I should" is called incongruity. In a fully congruent person realizing their potential is not at the expense of experiencing positive regard. They are able to lead lives that are authentic and genuine. Incongruent individuals, in their pursuit of positive regard, lead lives that include falseness and do not realise their potential. Conditions put on them by those around them make it necessary for them to forego their genuine, authentic lives to meet with the approval of others. They live lives that are not true to themselves, to who they are on the inside. Rogers suggested that the incongruent individual, who is always on the defensive and cannot be open to all experiences, is not functioning ideally and may even be malfunctioning. They work hard at maintaining/protecting their self concept. Because their lives are not authentic this is a difficult task and they are under constant threat. They deploy defense mechanisms to achieve this. He describes two mechanisms: distortion and denial. Distortion occurs when the individual perceives a threat to their self concept. They distort the perception until it fits their self concept. "(http://webspace.ship.edu/cgboer/Rogers.html) 11) “Can we make people happy (or fully functioning)? No, we can’t. “ http://www.psychlotron.org.uk/resources/perspectives/humanistic/a2_any_humanisticrogers.pdf 12) “[…T]here was in fact just one problem with all the people he saw: They were desperate to become their real selves, to be allowed to drop the false roles or masks with which they had approached life to date. They were usually very concerned with what others thought of them and what they ought to be doing in given situations." http://www.butler-bowdon.com/Carl-Rogers-On-Becoming-A-Person 13) Are you using claims of another person’s happiness to distract from your own unhappiness? 14) Are you your “ideal self” (who you would like to be)? Why or why not? Let’s delve into the depths of happiness in this discussion! * A stone is unit of measure equaling 14 pounds |
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